Broken Minds
by laufeysn
Summary: From Peeta's point of view dealing with the aftermath of the revolution, Katniss' depression, and his own damaged mind.
1. An Introduction

_Hi! I'm Dulcie and thank you for choosing to click on this story: It takes place after the war has finished and when Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch have all come home. It is from Peeta's POV, I hope you like it, I would very much appreciate any reviews/comments/advice you are willing to give. May the odds be ever in your favour!_

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><p>Give her space. Be close to her. Don't tell her how to feel. Guide her.<p>

These are just some of the suggestions I've had from the ever so helpful residents of our dear home of District 12.

It's been 4 months since me and Katniss have come back from District 13 and the Capitol, from the rebellion, from Primroses' death and Gale and her mother's abandonment. It's a lot to take in, Katniss rarely speaks to anyone anymore and though my nightmares and funny turns are less frequent I don't have time to help her.

Don't get me wrong, I think I like Katniss, in a way, and as memories come back it's like I'm getting to know her again, but then some memories are warped, shiny and wrong. Full of blood, betrayal, torture and makes me take a step away from her again. It's silly I know. I realise she isn't the demon I was led to believe she was but the visions still haunt me, and since she can't be herself right now she can't help me decipher the difference between the real and unreal.

I still go to see her as much as possible, she was there for me even though she knew that I wasn't myself, and since the Games, I don't like owing any anything either. I bring her bread mainly, cheese is the speciality of mine and sometimes she looks at me like she recognises me through the dark murky waters of her depression. And it snaps me back to liking her.

Haymitch has been much more helpful then you would think of a drunk, I had to help him out at first, sober him up make him see that people need him more than he needs booze, but he is getting more and more stable as time passes, knowing he will never have to look after children going off to die makes him feel better. But he still needs help.

And so do I.

But no one remembers that, remembers that those visions still haunt me every day and there is no one to help me along, they are all dealing with their own problems, understandably. But that leaves me having to deal with everyone as the old Peeta. The one who was selfless and always wanted to help people, apparently, but I'm not that Peeta anymore, I hardly know these people though it is coming back to me slowly. But no one wants to remember what the Capitol used to do, which also involves the people they did it to. Nice.

I hear a banging and crashing from a house a few doors down, some residents have chosen to live in the previously named Victors Village but many of them decided to stay in the homes they occupied before or the ones built in their place, which means the noise could be coming from one out of 6 occupied houses. And I know which one, Katniss'. Sometimes she has funny turns, coming out of her depression and realising the pain she is feeling and taking it out on the various objects lying around her house. She moved out of the one she shared with her mother and sister, too many memories around those structures, and now she just destroys the house she lives in, it's a good job that there are so many unoccupied houses, we may need them.

I grab my coat and pull on my boots and run over to Katniss' house to stop her before she hurts herself, if she hasn't already. I run in and immediately trip over; damn leg always gets me, that and the armchair thrown in front of the door.

"Katniss!" I call out. "Katniss its Peeta, where are you?" As if to answer me I hear a huge crash in the living room, there goes the television. As a walk in tentatively I have to dodge the vase that comes my way. "Stop it now Katniss."

"Get out!" she screams back at me with savage eyes. I walk towards her carefully; I know her strength and swiftness, but she doesn't go to attack me, instead she collapses in floods of tears. It's sudden but expected, it happens quite often, I think she just hates being alone. I go over to her, pick her up and carry her to her room, then as quickly as she started, she stops crying and is exhausted. I stay with her until she is asleep then go and tidy up in the living room, putting away lamps, righting tables and carefully throwing away broken fragments of glass and porcelain.

This has become somewhat of a routine now, and I'm used to it now, I like systems, my frazzled brain can cope with that.

I sit down on the sofa, it can take a while to get Katniss' house tidy again after one of her turns but I'm getting there. Then I hear the scream. That's new. I sprint up the stairs and see her thrashing around in bed haunted by invisible nightmares, just like me. I wake her up and a memory springs to mind, it isn't shiny, it's real, me and Katniss in the train keeping each other safe from the nightmares of the 74th Games. It's moments like this which makes me realise that I still love Katniss sometimes, it's difficult because sometimes I don't know myself let alone what I feel for other people.

She is crying again so I sit with her and talk to her to take her mind off things. I talk about the new bakery, what new cakes I had decorated, and the thriving businesses in District 12. It seems to take her mind off whatever the nightmare was about because she falls asleep as I'm stroking her hair. She looks so peaceful when she is sleeping, like she hasn't a care in the world.

I leave her to it to go over to Haymitch's house; he has been trying to help me of late, to sift the real memories from the Capitol fabricated ones. Its helping, I think, but I still have my moments of pure terror. Not nice but they are becoming more and more manageable, I just have to keep going.


	2. Chapter 1

_Hi! Thanks for clicking on and (hopefully) reading and enjoying this story! Any reviews/advice would be much appreciated._

_I really hope you are enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. :)_

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><p>Haymitch's house was much tidier now that he had kicked the booze; we go into his study which he now has set up as an art studio for me to paint my memories and for Haymitch to tell me which parts are real or created by the Capitol. I can usually tell myself but sometimes it's difficult to tell.<p>

"How are we today Peeta? Are you ready to start or do you have anything you want to ask?" says Haymitch.

"Nope, let's start." I was itching to pick up that paintbrush, I may have lost my mind but I could still paint, it keeps me calm. I choose my colours and dip in my paintbrush in. As my brush moves across the canvas I think of the memory I'm choosing, a dim one, shrouded and dark, that's why I'm choosing it. I'm unsure of how shiny it is so I don't know if it was fabricated or twisted or real.

Half an hour later I'm standing back from my painting. It is a twisted painting of greys, blues and greens. I explain to Haymitch that the memory was from the bank of the river, when Katniss found me, in the memory she had found me then left again feeling it was too late to save me, only to be forced back when threatened with no more parachutes arriving from Haymitch.

Haymitch looks at me as though I'm stupid, that I'm missing something, I suppose now that I think of it, of what Katniss is actually like with the past months I have spent looking after her I should know that that memory probably isn't true but I need to know for sure. I need to be able to recognise what my life was. They don't realise how difficult it is to have your entire life edited around, to be so confused about what is in your own mind.

"No Peeta, that's not the way it went at all." He explains to me what actually happened, Katniss looking after me, cleaning me up and risking her life by staying in that cave with me, getting the medicine from the feast, all voluntarily, none forced and unwilling.

Now I feel bad.

I suppose that I could be kinder to Katniss, those first couple of months I was so mean, I didn't realise how much she meant to me. But now it is coming back, and guilt seems to be its companion on this trip. I suppose I have kind of been punishing her for that moment, where she abandoned me in my greatest moment of need, and now I know she hadn't I suppose I could be doing more to help her out of her pain.

It isn't like I'm not getting any help and Haymitch is useless around Katniss right now, he means well but he always seems to get her more worked up and upset. And so Katniss is dealing with it all on her own, sure I clean up after her fits of rage but I don't help her to stop having them. Wow, guilt is really coming on in force now.

"Don't feel bad kid, we know it's been a tough time for you, I'm sure she understands." Says Haymitch, snapping me back to the moment again.

"Yeah sure, thanks for today, that one have been bugging me for ages." I say " but I have to get going now, I have, uh, things to sort out."

I leave Haymitch's house and step out into the brisk air, it's a short walk back to my house so it doesn't take me long to pick up what I need and head over to Katniss'.

I walk straight into the house, knowing she will never answer the door for anyone.

"Katniss it's me, I have something I want to show you." I say walking into the living room, but she isn't there, I walk all over the house, getting more and more worried as I walk into the empty room. She isn't in the house. I know she isn't in the woods; she is terrified of the place right now, which means she won't be somewhere I can't find her.

I wander to the back garden to see if she is there, no sign of her, so I take to going to all the places I can think of that she would feel safest in, trying to remember every conversation we have ever had about District 12, but I still can't find her and now I'm starting to really panic.

"Katniss! KATNISS!" I shout over and over again, but come up with no reply, but just when I'm about to lose hope of ever finding that damn girl again I remember the time after the 74th Games, when we had moved into the new houses and how Katniss preferred to stay in her old house as much as possible, her way of dealing with the things she wanted to forget, to pretend that it was the time before that reaping day so long ago.

With renewed hope I ran over to Katniss' old house, or what remained of it, and, just as I thought, I saw a hooded curled up figure sitting on the floor. She looked up at me as I walked through the dust and sat next to her.

"You found me." She said

"I did, why did you go?"

"I couldn't stay there anymore. It isn't home to me."

"And this is?"

She pauses. "I don't know anymore." And then bursts into tears. Great, nice work there Peeta, you did a fantastic job of making her feel better.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset."

"No no, it's OK you didn't mean to."

"I have something for you by the way." And I pull out the old leather bound book from my bag and hand it over to her. She takes it carefully, I know she recognises it, how could she not, it's one of her prized possessions.

"Where did you find this?" She whispered.

"I picked it up when I went over to your house just after we came back, figured that I would save it for when you need it most. You didn't seem up to remembering anything at the start."

"Thank you." She whispered back, carefully turning over the cover of the book, showing the carefully drawn pictures next to her mother and fathers writing. She carefully ran her fingers over them. "I missed seeing these."

I watch her for a while; she doesn't seem to be here right now she has gone back to a past of happiness with a sister, mother and a father. And I'm jealous. Huh, that hasn't occurred to me before. I have never had what Katniss had, my mother wasn't close to me, my father wasn't supportive of me, my brothers barely looked at me. Of course it means that I have lost less compared to her.

"I remember when we did this together" I say "They couldn't get to that memory, didn't have any footage."

"I miss them."

"I know."

"Why did they have to go and leave me? I mean I know that Prim and my father didn't mean to leave me but why did my mother and Gale have to go?"

"I don't know, Katniss, it isn't fair."

"You're right! It isn't fair; everything I have loved has gone! My life has gone to shit and there is nothing I can do about it! All because of the Capitol, no, because of Coin! She is the one that made me the Mockingjay, she is the one that threw my sister onto the front line and got her killed!" She is shouting now, it's the first time in months she has said anything in more than a whisper apart from screaming at people to go away. And she doesn't cry this time. Yay!

I spend the next two hours talking to her about her family, how unfair it was that they all had to disappear and leave her, and Gale. My least favourite person, but she was talking and I wasn't going to stop her now. After it started to get dark she is the one that suggests that we go back to our houses.

We walk to her house (I wouldn't let her walk home alone, in case she ran off again) and when we get there she kisses me on the cheek, the first physical relationship we have had apart from violent shoving, and it stuns me.

"Thank you." She says and walks into her house, smiles and shuts the door, leaving me standing outside in the cold, stunned and unable to move. Then I smile, for the first time in months.

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><p><em>The next chapter is taking much longer than I would like it to have unfortunately exams have to take priority over story writing (annoying as it is), so I haven't had much time to write recently, but the next chapter is in the process of being written now, so bear with me, a new one will be up shortly (I hope). :)<em>


	3. Chapter 2

_Sorry about how long this took to put up, I swear it wasn't on purpose! It's been quite busy in my life what with exams and coursework and writers block but, here it is. I hope you enjoy it, and I'll keep my fingers crossed it was both worth the wait and that the next chapter won't take so long to write :)_

Three days later and I'm planting plants all around Katniss' house. Me, planting, I never thought I'd see the day! I'm a bit more of the kneading rather than planting type, but hey, I'll do anything for a good cause.

I haven't spoken to Katniss yet, since that night of talking, and the small peck on my cheek, she hasn't come round to mine and she has been calm so I have had no valid reason to go round to hers, I always feel like I'm invading her privacy.

But I'm here today because it is spring and there are no flowers showing to cheer up the dreary dullness of our little neighbourhood. I see a curtain twitch and I know she is watching me, unsure of whether or not to go outside and see me but equally as curious to find out what I'm doing exactly.

I wave in the general direction of the fidgety curtain and it seems to give her slight encouragement as a few seconds later she emerges from the house and stand next to me. She doesn't say a word and neither do I, I just keep on working, slowly lifting the small shoots from their pots, placing them in the small holes I have dug and compacting soil over their roots. After a few minutes of watching me do this, Katniss starts to help me.

We work in near silence for an hour, only occasionally speaking to ask where this one should go, or if the trowel could be passed over. It is pleasant work; all physical it keeps your mind off other less pleasant things, to be honest, that kind of feeling is why I continue to bake, even without the help of my father, mother and brothers it keeps my mind off the disturbing images it occasionally comes up with. The weather in this spring afternoon is unusually mild, but with a cool breeze that comes and goes.

Katniss eventually looks up at me and asks "Why are you doing this Peeta?"

"I got bored of looking at brown dirt."

"Seriously Peeta, come on."

"I wanted to brighten up your house. It's dull and lifeless, not a good environment to help you feel happier."

"Thank you." She says, and I turn back to the plants. "About last time I saw you Peeta, sorry if I crossed any lines." Clearly she remembered my outbursts and hatred towards her after I was rescued from the Capitol, still wary to push me too far.

"It's fine, Katniss, really. Kinda nice to be honest." I say shyly, glancing up at her to see her expression. She quickly smiles and ducks her head.

"How are you doing it?"

"Huh?"

"How are you doing all of this, looking after me, and Haymitch and yourself? I can't even look after myself and yet here you are planting flowers for me. How do you do it all because I'm kind of at a loss right now?"

I take a little time to think about it, it seemed a serious question that needed my actual attention, I knew she was reaching out to me, opening up and I, weirdly, didn't want to let her down.

"I ... I just do. That's all it is, I know I have to. I can't just leave you to suffer, that would be too cruel. And though I do have so issues of my own," I grimace at the ground, trying not to let her see, but she does, and looks down at the little plant in her hand, "I can deal with them on my own; you on the other hand need me. I don't want to leave you alone."

We sit in silence for a while longer, neither of us moving either. It was awkward; there was no other way to put it.

"Well, thanks. For everything, thank you." She said. I just smile at her and stand up, brushing the dirt from my trousers.

"I have to go see Haymitch; he said he's been having a bit of a crisis."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know he gave up drinking and-"

"He gave up drinking?" I've forgotten that they hadn't talked in a while, that I was the only one to talk to both of them.

"Um, yeah, it was a while ago now. He just decided that there was enough going on without that problem. So he quit." I wasn't going to tell her what he was doing for me just yet, I need to figure out my own head before I let anyone else in yet.

"Oh, okay, that's good."

"Yeah, so since he stopped he's mostly been doing really well, but he hasn't been handling it too well recently. I'm going over to check on him, you know, make sure he hasn't fallen off the wagon. You want to come?" She looks up at me worried, I guess she's nervous to see him, speak to him again. They used to have such and understanding of each other, but then it disappeared along with Katniss.

She glances around briefly before deciding to come along and we walk the short distance in silence that doesn't feel quite as awkward now. As we approach Haymitch's house, it seems quiet. And I'm not sure if that is good or very bad. Katniss must see my worried look and gives me a small smile that gives me the guts to go and knock on the door, because after all my supposed bravery and strength, I cannot abide drunken Haymitch.

Unfortunately for me, it seems today is not my lucky day because a few seconds later a very unstable Haymitch answers the door with a gruff "Wha'do you wan'". I sigh, and push past him into the kitchen where there is a bottle of white spirit sitting on the table. I forgot that I had bought Katniss along with me until a few seconds later she appears at the door with a now extremely unstable Haymitch swaying a few feet in front of her. And then he, very ungracefully, throws up all over the floor.

Great.

I look up at Katniss and she meets my eyes, "I should get him cleared up," I say "You can go home if you want to; this isn't the most pleasant way to spend a day."

But she doesn't turn to the front door and instead steps over the unconscious Haymitch and goes to the sink to fill up and bucket of water the clear up the sick. "It's alright," She replies "I feel like doing something that isn't sitting in the house all day today." And smiles up at me.

I laugh and turn back to Haymitch, very grateful that she is here because although we may not be fully comfortable around each other as we used to be, she is still good company.

We spend the next hour coaxing Haymitch upstairs and getting him into bed to sleep it off, and an additional half an hour cleaning up the mess that's in his kitchen. This time not in silence. She asks me about the bakery and I tell her about the business and then we get onto how Panem is coping with the new way of life.

It isn't going well really. There are still a lot of Capitol people who haven't gotten used to the less luxurious ways, and more district people who still want revenge, all of which leads to a lot of unrest in a lot of places. But so far the people in charge are coping with it well, how long that will last? Who knows but here in District 12, as it was under Snow, we are relatively ignored, so it's easy to go along with your normal day to day business without fear or getting jumped or something.

She listens intently, after months of hiding out in her house; she doesn't know much or anything about Panem, especially after breaking her TV in one of her fits not long after we came back.

"Don't worry about it though," I say "It won't come to anything. It's a bunch of people who don't really know what they're talking about. It'll all blow over soon." She nods and carries on cleaning the sitting room which Haymitch had trashed with his general drunken unstableness mixed with the fairly cramped space.

When everything was cleaned up, I went upstairs to check on Haymitch one last time before we left, he was sleeping soundly. Tomorrow, I would have words with him, get him back on track.

Katniss is waiting by the front door for me. "Ready?" I say. And she nods, heading out the door. I follow and catch up, walking alongside her.

"I've missed you, Peeta." She says quietly, and I trip over my feet. That was something I had not been expecting. Not necessarily bad, just, unexpected. "I know when you got back from the Capitol after the 75th Games you hated me, but I was still glad you were there. I'm sorry I haven't been these past months. I'm grateful that you were still there for me, but I missed being able to really speak to you like we did today. I really enjoyed today."

Okay, so at this point I'm really stunned. "I-I enjoyed today too. It probably would have been better without a puking, passed out Haymitch, but I've kinda missed talking to you too." _What?_ Where did that come from? I didn't know I had missed talking to her, but now thinking back I suppose I have. Having no one to talk to gets very lonely.

We're not far from her house when she cautiously takes hold of my hand.

I look down at it before returning the pressure, and we walk to her front door where she smiles at me, releases my hand and opens the door.

"Peeta?" she calls out as I start to walk back to my house. "What type of plant did you put in my garden?"

"Primroses." I say, and walk quietly home in the still spring air.


	4. Chapter 3

_Hi! Okay so, firstly I want to profusely apologise for the length of time it took for me to put this update on. I don't really have any good excuses, just lack of ideas and sporadic exam revision delayed me :/ Anyway, I hope you can forgive me for this little slip up; I'm sure once the ideas start flowing as will the chapters :)_

_As always, thank you very much for reading this, and reviews are always welcome, enjoy (I hope) :)_

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><p>Deep breath, everything is fine. The memory wasn't real, you aren't in the arena again, and Katniss isn't trying to kill you. I remember the system Katniss had when she got into 13, repeating facts about herself; a few days ago I had started to piece together my own version.<p>

_My name is Peeta Mellark. I am 17 years old. My home is District 12. I survived two Hunger Games. I was captured by the Capitol. They tortured me. They changed my memories. I was rescued. I am home._

Just like it was Katniss' way of clinging on, it was now mine. Just whilst the waves of pain and anger wash over me, then I'm me again. Well, as much of me that is left.

I pull myself out of my bed and pad over to the window. It's still dark outside; I can see the moon overhead though, illuminating the silhouettes of the trees of the forest. It's so peaceful at night, and the cool breeze that drifts in my window clears my head.

I am okay. It was a dream is all, a nightmare. They still get me sometimes; the nightmares are definitely the worst of them all, a horrifying mix of old nightmares and twisted memories, the 74th Games combining with the 75th and the Capitol. Little Rue, being left to die, the mutts, the blood. That is always the most prominent part of my nightmares and my altered memories, blood. It's always in excess, coating me, suffocating me.

I shake that feeling off. No, those thoughts are for my unconscious to think of, not whilst I'm awake. I take the trip down the stairs in the dark, not wanting to turn on the lights; they are too harsh for this time of night. What was that time anyway? I glance at my clock in the hall of my house. 4 AM, not too bad for a night's sleep and dawn will be coming soon enough anyway.

I fix myself some breakfast then head back upstairs to take a shower, the nightmare already slipping from my mind, or at least starting to seem more and more ridiculous as my routine wipes away the jumbled mess that is my head right now.

I leave my house as the sun starts to come up, giving up on getting more rest, deciding instead to start early at the bakery and start to walk down the road to get to the newly built bakery, seeing as the old one was pretty much burnt to the ground. I get most of the way there when I hear a rustling coming from the bushes around the fence that keeps the wild animals out of District 12. I turn immediately towards it, my mind rushes and I scramble to find a decent enough weapon, not too easy when you only have one leg that works properly, might I add.

I pick up a branch fallen from tree above me, it won't do much but it might ward off whatever is out there enough for me to call for help.

I swing to face whatever is coming from the bushes and find myself face to face with Katniss, mud on her face and a burlap sack thrown over her shoulder. I shout in shock then take to leaning on my legs with my hands trying to slow my heavily beating heart whilst Katniss tries her hardest not to burst out laughing.

"Oh go ahead and get it out." I say to her, mildly annoyed that she practically gave me a heart attack. She doubles over laughing and even when it gets to the point of not being funny anymore I don't dare disrupt her, it's just too nice to hear her laughing again.

"What are you doing out so early in the morning?" I ask her after she eventually stopped laughing.

"Hunting, well, trying to. My aim has been slightly off today, but I managed to get one squirrel at least." She says holding up the burlap sack. She tilts her head to one side, "What are you doing out this early?"

"Heading to the bakery, may as well start early seeing as I couldn't sleep."

"It's really early though, I thought you would be at home."

"I could say the same to you."

"Well, I couldn't really sleep either; the woods were kinda calling me anyway."

I raised my eyebrows, she hadn't stepped foot in those woods since she had come back to District 12, she caught my quizzical look and just shrugged.

"Do you always go to the bakery this early then?" Katniss asks.

"Not always, quite a bit of the time though. I really all depends on my night's sleep, working with my hands give my brain a rest; I don't have to think about anything else."

"That sounds nice," Katniss replies looking into the town. I think about that for a while, I used working with my hands to escape my messed up thoughts. Katniss must have those too, and whilst hunting may help a little, its barely work you can do without thinking.

"Come with me." I say.

Katniss looks over in surprise, not expecting the invitation in the slightest. "Um, sure, why not. I mean if you don't mind, I don't want to invade your private space or anything."

I smile. "It's fine, Katniss, really. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to come along."

She looks reassured by this, and after accepting the invitation we head towards the bakery, walking along the oh-so familiar path in the main street of the Seam. Seeing as most of the houses are new, as with the streets, Katniss doesn't really know her way around as she doesn't come into town anymore so she trails behind me, uncomfortable with the fact that she is unfamiliar with the place so I slow down so we are walking side by side and glance down at her.

"You okay?" I ask.

"What? Oh yeah no, I'm good" she doesn't look it though, she looks nervously fidgeting with the sleeve of her jacket, I look with concern at her and she can tell "It's just that, you know, I haven't seen the people in town for a while now."

Then I get it, it isn't that she is shy, it's that she is nervous that everyone will reject her, see their misfortune as her fault, even though she lived with them in District 13, there she was either "mentally disorientated" or so concentrated on being the Mockingjay that she didn't have time to talk to many of the District 12 people. And now that she was home, she thought that they would turn their back on the Girl on Fire.

"They'll be pleased to see you," I say "Trust me." I smile at her and she nervously smiles back, though still pulling on her sleeve.

Then, all of a sudden a wave of memories, twisted, shiny and horrible washes over me. I try to fight it, I really do. I force myself to keep pushing up out of it, keep my head above water but it is so tiring and I can feel it sucking me down. It's grey and murky and I can make out vague shapes that get clearer and clearer as I slowly stop resisting.

_Katniss scowling at me, warm damp heat and Finnick Odair._

This is the 75th Games, when I was electrocuted. I know what happened really. Haymitch told me it all and I don't doubt him for a second but this looks so very real, I can see it, in this moment how can I doubt that this memory is real?

_I'm lying on my back, coming around from the shock, Finnick sitting over me and raised voices. Katniss is shouting at him, accusing him of being a moron for not leaving me in the dirt, letting my heart stay silent. She looks so very angry and when I moan from the ache in my chest she looks down at me scowling. _

No. She didn't, she was crying she was happy Finnick saved me, she was happy.

"_Great, he's awake. Well done Finnick, now I have to deal with him for another day, hopefully something or someone will kill him off before too long." _

No, stay up Peeta, you can do this. It isn't real it isn-

_Katniss pulls me sharply to my feet, forcing me forward with a sharp thud on my back that sends pains shooting all over my body, reaching out to every inch of me._

Fight it.

"_Go you idiot. If you don't move I'll just leave you here. I should probably do that anyway but that would deny me the pleasure of watching you suffer." She says with a smirk on her face. _

That isn't Katniss; Katniss is the broken girl beside me that is watching me with a panic in her eyes. Katniss is the girl who needs me right now. She never hurt me. Fight it.

_I stumble forwards blindly stepping to keep me on balance. Finnick begs Katniss to let me rest but she keeps saying it will do me good. Toughen me up. She says I am weak, foolish, a liability. _

"Peeta? Are you okay?" Katniss stares up at me, panicked and worried. I can only gasp and grip onto the branch jutting out into the path next to me.

"_Please Katniss, he can't go on." Finnick pleads. Black spots are in my eyes, I'm about to pass out from the pain. "No," She says "It's his own idiotic fault in the end. He can keep going." But I can't and the next time I stumble, I fall, and stay fallen. I can hear her footsteps behind me. "Get up," She demands. "I can't. Please, let me rest." I beg her. "GET UP NOW!" She screams and picks up her blow, swinging down to strike me- _

She is gripping my arm, guiding me to sit down on the path, talking to me. And pulling me out of the water. I grasp at the relief of the clear air and stare at the sky for what seems like forever before looking at Katniss.

"Are you okay?" She asks, concern littering her voice.

"Yeah, now."

"What was that?"

"One of the memories the Capitol put in me, don't worry, I'm not about to turn on you or anything." I say trying to joke about the situation. But she doesn't smile back. I know that look; it's the one which she gives when she desperately wants to know more but doesn't want to pry. So I tell her the "memory". She looks so worried, at first I think she is thinking of her own safety all alone on the path to the bakery so early in the morning but she keeps looking at me with concern and I realise that maybe Haymitch shouldn't be the only one to keep me sane.

"I'm okay now, I promise, this just happens sometimes but I can tell the difference between the real memory and the fake one. That makes it better."

I'm about to begin to pull myself to my feet when she holds me down. "Stay down; you need to sit down for a little while. Please, just do it." She tells me, stopping me from standing. She still knows me, knows what I'm going to do before I do it, she knows me too well, just like when she told me those facts about me, the little ones that ordinary people could never know.

Every so now and then I realise how lucky I am to have her near to me, to keep me grounded. So I stay sitting down on the soil under that tree, the sun just rising over the buildings of District 12, a beautiful muted orange and listen to Katniss' steady breathing beside me, keeping in time to hers.

_My name is Peeta Mellark. I am 17 years old. My home is District 12. __I'm a painter. I'm a baker. I like to sleep with the windows open. I never take sugar in my tea and I always double-knot my shoelaces. __I survived two Hunger Games. I was captured by the Capitol, they tortured me, and they changed my memories. I was rescued. I am safe._


End file.
